Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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