hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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