One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
