How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
