jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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