A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
