So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
