I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
