I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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