I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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