he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
