matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
