I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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