Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She bit a glass in half.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
