Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
