im holly from the hills drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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