I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
