She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
