Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
