I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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