Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
