somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize