I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
