I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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