just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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