if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
