i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
