The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
as a side note pls kill me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
