what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
