i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
