I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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