shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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