you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
