Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
