It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
