im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
