Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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