Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
