Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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