Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
