It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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