New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize