Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
