Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
