the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
