took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
