When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
