I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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