Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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