As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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