So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
