Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
