Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
