ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
