just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
