Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
