i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
