STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want nice things and good sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
