Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
