you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
