mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
