Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
only you would photoshop your dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
