I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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