I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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