i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Vodka?
Forever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
