i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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