I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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