Pappa wants mamma naked
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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