I wish my penis had an off switch
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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