My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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