After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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