told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
