Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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