i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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