i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
