I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize