guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sext me about skeletons
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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