I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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