but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
