Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
