he wants to bone in the snuggie
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
