I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
