Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
