Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
