the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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