Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
